Things To Do With A Starbucks Cup: The Fishing Contest


It all starts innocently enough: you’re sitting in a seminar and you’ve finished your cup of coffee and you let your mind wander. Before you know it you’ve drawn a mustache on the Starbucks mermaid. Then you think “How swashbuckling!” and then you add a beard. Then you think you might as well go ahead and make her into a pirate.

“But what about her tails?” You ask yourself.

What about them?

Maybe they’re not tails at all. Maybe they are the catch of the day. Maybe Captain Starmorgan Merbucks just won a fishing contest.

The Starbucks Mermaid clearly has some Captain in her.

The Starbucks Mermaid clearly has some Captain in her.

“Very well,” you say. “But if it is a contest then who else was contesting?”

Surely an epic character such as The Captain deserves an epic adversary. Poseidon should surely be involved, right? But then why wouldn’t Poseidon win? It’s good to be the king, after all, especially when you have a kraken. He wouldn’t even need to catch anything impressive- he could weigh in with a sardine and still win, right?

Yes, but this is Captain Starmorgan Merbucks. There’s booze to be had. Poseidon might just let someone win for a small gift of, say, a bottle of spiced rum?

Way to play fair, Poseidon.

Way to play fair, Poseidon.

So The Captain and Poseidon are in cahoots. Where does that leave the rest of the contestants? You know, the ones actually trying to catch a big fish?

In third place, that’s where.

Poor little sober mermaid: you’ve got wicked tuna and no Captain in you. Yikes, that’s a pickup line that’s not going to get anybody laid.

Maybe we'd feel more sorry for her if she wasn't selling out her fishy friends.

Maybe we’d feel more sorry for her if she wasn’t selling out her fishy friends.

Not that she’s going to be making any friends with a pout like that.

That’s a pout that says: “This isn’t over, pal, the ocean is a dangerous place… there could be accidents…”

The Captain might just wake up next to a fish head in the morning.

Storms a brewin'... get it? Brewin'? Like coffee is- look, nevermind, ok?

Storms a brewin’… get it? Brewin’? Like coffee is- look, nevermind, ok?

This is what happens when someone sits through an Intensive Comedy Workshop: they start thinking funny. Thanks, Steve.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on January 29, 2013.

One Response to “Things To Do With A Starbucks Cup: The Fishing Contest”

  1. Laughed so hard reading this! You’re creativity is astounding. And also awesome.

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