Why People Have A Problem With Valentines Day

Turns out the neighbors don't like it when you pick their roses: even if it IS Valentines Day.

Turns out the neighbors don’t like it when you pick their roses: even if it IS Valentines Day.

Ahh Valentines Day. The holiday that celebrates love. The holiday everybody hates.

How can there be so much hate over a holiday all about love? Well, that’s just the problem isn’t it: celebrating Valentines day isn’t about celebrating love. At least, not any more. Valentines day is about celebrating romance. This is not the same thing.

The thing about love is that it is inclusive, comes in many forms, and costs nothing. Romance, on the other hand, is formal, specific to consenting adult partners, and can be bought and sold in many ways. What is more, Romance is exclusive and that is what people really hate. No one likes being excluded.

Let me give you an example: I went to the grocery store last week to pick out some Valentines cards to send to my parents and my husbands’ parents. You never realize just how exclusively Valentines Day is targeted towards romantic lovers until you try to find a card that will be appropriate for your Mother In Law. I love my Mother-In-Law but I am not in love with my Mother-In-Law. I don’t really want to carry on about how she is the light of my life or that our love is eternal. I just want something that says “Thinking of you and care enough to send a card”.

The pickings are slim.

And what about how hard Valentines day is for a couple who has gotten over the constant-romance part of the relationship? My husband asked what I wanted for Valentines day. I didn’t know what to tell him so I said chocolate. It is a Token Valentines Gift and I am fine with that. Grand gestures are, well, grand, but  I feel just as loved when he fixes my computer or deals with the clogged drain in the bathtub. Grand gestures are only fun if they are completely unexpected and it is really hard to give a completely unexpected gift on Valentines Day.

The bottom line is: if you are really celebrating love then there is no way to do Valentines Day wrong. If anyone tells you differently they are after your money.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on February 14, 2013.

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