Road Rash


It takes many steps to make a mile.

It takes many steps to make a mile.

Every time I turn around it seems like I am discovering another article that says that distance running is bad for my health. First it was an article called “Why Women Shouldn’t Run” which I ridiculed for being sexist and more recently in an article called “The Exercise Equivalent of a Cheeseburger” upon which I declined to comment.

There are two reasons why this trend doesn’t worry me. The first reason is because I found both these articles on the internet, best taken with a healthy dose of salty snacks. The second reason is because the kinds of distances that are potentially harmful to ones health are distances in excess of thirty miles a week. So, I’m no mathematician but I’m pretty sure that comes to six miles a day, five days a week- and that’s still pretty far beyond my reach.

For example, last night I decided to attempt a six mile run (six and a half, but I walked periodically so let’s call it six). I made it the entire distance and finished strong, but I won’t be doing it five days a week anytime soon. This isn’t because I’m worried that it will be as-bad-for-me-as-eating-a-cheeseburger, but rather because it is going to take a few days for the road rash to heal.

You see, my thighs rub together. They always have and they probably always will. ¬†Several years ago I gave up wearing running shorts because the combination of loose fabric and repetitive motion led to some unpleasant bunching. I switched to a running skort, which is possibly the best clothing invention since the utili-kilt. Running skorts combine skin-tight shorts (which prevents uncomfortable bunching) with a short skirt (which hides the fact that my thighs rub together in the first place). It’s a win-win.

Except when it isn’t. I’m not sure whether my legs have gotten skinnier (yes, please) or my running clothes have stretched out from many washings, but somehow, somewhere between the fifth and sixth mile of a long distance run, even my skorts give up and join The Bunch. Combine bunched shorts, rubbing skin, salty sweat and 50 spf waterproof sunscreen and you have yourself ¬†a burn that would make an internet troll proud. Watching me walk my cool-down after a distance run is like watching a cowboy showdown with an outlaw over some rustled cattle.

So until they develop running-chaps or I develop some hardcore calluses I’m really not too worried about overdoing it with the running.

In the meantime, I’m going to go ahead and have a cheeseburger.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on May 27, 2013.

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