Stretching Sucks!


It's people like this who make me hate myself...

It’s people like this who make me hate myself…

I hate stretching.

For one thing I’m not that good at it. Or I should say that I’m not that natural at it: I am not a naturally limber person. When I was a kid I had a lot of friends in gymnastics who could do the splits in either direction and could do backbends with ease and I envied them greatly because that was the epitome of “cool” to a third grader. I’m lucky if I can touch my toes.

Every so often I get it into my head that I ought to be more diligent about stretching. I will convince myself that if I just practiced it every day that I too would eventually be able to do the splits, but so far it has never happened.

Other times I tell myself I should just be more good about stretching because flexibility is a key element to strength and joint health. So I will spend a few minutes each day in teeth-gritting, hamstring burning agony whilst contemplating the discouraging rolls of my stomach that come from being a grown woman.

And then my back goes out.

I was doing some before-bed stretches last night and in one forward-bend fell-swoop my lumbar vertebrae twinged out of alignment. So much for stretching being good for my flexibility and strength. I found this doubly annoying because I’ve never had trouble with my lower back before: I’ve put out my neck on numerous occasions (Probably from carrying too much stuff in my purse) but my lower back has always been fine: UNTIL I DECIDED THAT STRETCHING WAS A GOOD IDEA!!!

So I’m annoyed and in pain and I still can barely touch my toes.

Are there any other ways to limber up besides stretching? Yoga doesn’t count: I won’t go there.

Or maybe I shouldn’t be fighting my destiny: Maybe I am just fated to slowly lock up into immobility as I age: first I’ll stop being able to touch my toes, then my knees and so on until I am completely vertically upright like a toy soldier and have to be wheeled around on a dolly.

So anyway, stretching sucks.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on June 27, 2013.

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