The Waiting Room


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Nothing says waiting room like a fake flower in fake water.

I’m sitting in the waiting room at the dentist’s office waiting while the Curmudgeonly Lion gets a cap and crown put in. I wasn’t originally planning to wait in the dentist’s office since I was hoping to find some time to be alone, but seeing as I am in the middle off a crowded city there isn’t much quiet alone time to be had. The waiting room is, at least, quiet…when the phone isn’t ringing and with luck I will be able to gather my wits for a while.

After the dentist’s office we have plans to do lunch with an acquaintance who is working downtown. This evening we will be doing dinner with the Curmudgeonly Lion’s family and his two nieces will be sleeping over for the express purpose of having more time with us. I wish I could say I was looking forward to any of these things but my capacity for enjoyable anticipation seems to be rapidly approaching zero the more things that we tack onto the social calendar.

When I spend a lot of time alone I berate myself for not getting out into the world and experiencing a full and editing life but when I spend all my time out being social I berate myself for not doing anything useful and the longer I go in either direction the worse the respective feelings get. Right now I am berating myself for not watching the Must See films I need to watch for grad school even though I don’t even have enough time alone with a computer to write a blog post (This post is being composed on a smart phone with all the associated pitfalls that entails) much les having enough time to dedicate to a two hour feature film. Watching movies seems like a poor excuse for not wanting to hang out with my small nieces and probably is further evidence that I am, at heart, a horrible person who will someday try to stop Christmas from coming.

The cracks are beginning to show because the Curmudgeonly Lion has started asking me if I’m OK once or twice adv hour instead of once or twice a day. The only thing I can think to say is that I’m tired because it is the closest word I can find to describe the mental fatigue of having to many thoughts to think and no private time in which to think them. On the way to the train this morning I joked that I was tired from the vacation before this vacation. Between the trip to Las Vegas and my brother’s wedding and now the time we are spending with the Curmudgeonly Lion’s family we decided that we were on our third vacation and that it was safe to call ourselves Extreme Vacationers.

Joking side, though, I don’t want to think about the week ahead because I don’t want to think about all the things I still need to do before I can go home and then all the things that I need to do to catch up once I get there. Mentally I am keeping my eyes down and just trying to grind my way through it.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on August 12, 2013.

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