Add Or Drop

And now to take a deep cleansing breath and get back to work.

And now to take a deep cleansing breath and get back to work.

Tomorrow I begin my third week of classes.

It will be the last week in which I can add or drop a course without repercussions and I’m a little bit torn about whether or not I should do so. On one hand I am signed up for two electives that I was very excited to get into. On the other hand I am already looking at my workload with a fair amount of trepidation.

As it stands it is impossible for me to know whether I am in over my head. The first week of classes was such a whirlwind that it felt like a huge amount of work because everything was completely new: a new time commitment, a new schedule, a new eating pattern, a new amount of homework, etc. The second week of classes was only four days long thanks to Labor day. Both my elective classes- the ones that I would be able to add or drop- fall on Monday which means I’ve only actually attended them once so far.

The uncertainty is the hardest part. I don’t want to back down too soon. I don’t want to get in over my head. I can stay in the class or I can drop it, but both choices have their down sides. I have the power to do something about this, but I don’t want to have to use it. It’s a terrible responsibility to have power over your own destiny. I think it might be harder to have this power and to do nothing than it is to do something for the sake of doing something- whether or not that ‘something’ is the right thing to do.

Anyway the uncertainty is taking it’s toll in unusual ways. For example I haven’t felt like going running for more than a week now. My blood sugar keeps plummeting on me leaving me shaky and nauseated (not nauseous- apparently something that is “nauseous” is something which makes one feel “nauseated”). I have had a persistent headache behind my left eye and I haven’t been able to nap during the daytime although I’ve been able to sleep at night. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy in an attempt to both distract myself from the stress and to try to get ahead on some of my school work, but I keep getting distracted and frustrated about not making more progress.

So, this is kind of a whiny post, but it feels good to get it out of my system and at least I feel like I’ve accomplished the writing of a blog if nothing else.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on September 8, 2013.

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