Wanting For Nothing

It's just what I wanted! How did you know?!

It’s just what I wanted! How did you know?!

So it’s Christmas Eve. Back when I was a kid this would mean a night of uneasy sleep thanks to the anticipation of Christmas morning and finding out whether Santa decided to bring me something that I asked for (since usually I asked for a pony the answer was usually “no”, but that didn’t stop me from hoping that this might be the year he changed his mind). Even as a grown up Christmas Eve was traditionally a time for hoping for that one, coveted, impractical item that you just couldn’t justify buying for yourself during the rest of the year (ahem, a bass guitar, for example).

This year, however, has been different. I don’t even know what the right word for it is: I’m not really hoping for anything, but it’s not really “hopeless”. There’s nothing that  I really want to ask for- nothing that would fit under the tree, anyway. I could ask for something that I needed instead, but I don’t really need much and what I do need I can buy for myself without the hassle of wrapping it up and putting it under a tree.

It’s kind of a strange feeling; to want nothing for Christmas. It feels…. awkward: especially in regards to family and friends and the Curmudgeonly Lion who all want to know what to get me as a gift. Because if it feels strange to not want anything for Christmas it feels even stranger to not give anything for Christmas. The Curmudgeonly Lion has likewise told me that he doesn’t really want anything for Christmas and I know I feel pretty awkward not having something to put under the tree for him.

But as strange as it feels it feels pretty good too: I mean, how often can you say that you don’t want anything? I’ve certainly had Christmases in the past where I hoped that there would be a gift beneath the tree that would fill some gap in my life- that would satisfy some need or fulfill some longing that I had. In a season of wall-to-wall perfume, jewelry, smartphone, and car ads it’s pretty clear that any hole in your life can be patched up with a luxury item of some kind.  Which is not to say that my life is perfect at the moment  or that I have no longings or needs, but on the whole it’s pretty darn good.

It’s a pretty rare thing to want for nothing and I ought to enjoy it while it lasts because no matter how much I want it to, it won’t last forever.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on December 24, 2013.

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