Inside Jokes

That's my girl, Audrey

That’s my girl, Audrey

It has been a while since I’ve written about Introversion. I was reminded of this fact a few days ago when I saw a link to “11 Comics Every Introvert Will Understand“. Ever since then I’ve been thinking about Introversion quite a bit.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed I find great comfort in reading the description of my Myers-Briggs personality type for some reason. I suppose it is roughly equivalent to reading one’s horoscope: it may not make any real-world difference but it does make me feel better. I’m not sure why it works, but it’s like a digital data valium. Same great taste, less addictive.

Times like these, when I find myself so constantly fighting off anxiety, I sometimes wonder whether I ought to see somebody about getting some medication. It’s out there, after all, and it sure would be nice to be able to shut off the fight-or-flight instinct for a few hours in order to, you know, actually deal with the problem. But at the same time this feels like cheating. Part of me thinks that learning to handle the stress is the whole point; that it is like learning how to run through pain and dehydration to finish a marathon. (Not that I’ve ever finished a marathon, but I’ve done enough distance running to know that I wouldn’t be able to even attempt a marathon without all the painful, painful training beforehand.) Knowing how to run is easy but learning how to keep going is hard.

Another part of me resists the idea of medication because I’m not sure I would know when to stop again. If you can’t feel the anxiety, how do you know when you’re not feeling anxious anymore? The temptation would be to use this magic pill every time I felt a little bit pressured, and I live a pretty pressured life these days. Once I got started I’m not sure I would know how to stop. I have enough trouble knowing when to stop drinking coffee.

So the Introvert in me is spending a lot of time in tragic lamentations over the lack of quiet, structured, alone time. I feel like a mess on most days, but I also feel like I will look back on this time with pride at having made it through and relief at never having to do it again.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on January 29, 2014.

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