Film Journal- Week 15: Beginning of the End

It's like sitting at the control panel for the Starship Enterprise.

It’s like sitting at the control panel for the Starship Enterprise.

On Friday we had the final sound mix for the film that I directed back in March. It’s the final step in the production process and it really does feel like the end of something. It’s hard to believe that there is less than three weeks left until the final screening (which I’ve pretty much started thinking of as the end of the semester, although I don’t know how it fits in with finals’ week.)

A part of me is sad that it is all coming to an end, and a part of me is glad that I’ll be getting my life back soon. It will be nice to have a living room that isn’t full of construction fencing and crafty boxes. It will be nice to be able to put all the seats back in my van instead of having them set up like redneck recliners in front of the television (although the cats are getting very attached to them). And it’ll be nice to be able to remember things again- right now, my brain is so full of class and schedule related details that I keep spacing out other things like remembering to get a birthday card in the mail to my sister, or just how long it has been since I’ve been to the grocery store or done laundry.

I complain a lot about my generalized lack of attention span, but when I think back to the beginning of the semester and the intense, choking anxiety from the first few weeks I realize that things have really improved a lot. I’d like to think it is because I’ve become more accomplished with the production process and that I have a better sense of what I can handle, but realistically it probably has more to do with the fact that I am just more comfortable with the 508 schedule and I am not in charge of driving the production anymore. I’m still planning on pursuing Producing down the line, but the sheer intensity of the anxiety involved took its toll on my confidence.  Directing was a good, constructive balm for this- it was a lot of work, but work that I wanted to do so it didn’t feel like work. And Cinematography was interesting and creative, but as an area of filmmaking that I don’t intend to pursue the stakes didn’t feel as high. I was probably able to do more interesting things because I wasn’t trying to prove anything.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on April 21, 2014.

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