Film Journal: Week 16- Thenowhat

She makes it look so easy to keep all those balls in the air...

Just got a few things in the air… NBD

We locked picture on our final film of the semester on Thursday night. In reality that means that the film is only halfway finished since there is still a lot of sound editing that needs to be done and, since the film is sci-fi, the sound editing is going to play a very key role in how well the story comes across.

But it still feels like the end of something.

There is only one more week left of classes, officially, and final projects are coming due and things are really beginning to wrap up for the summer. I’ve been in production mode for so long that I already don’t know what I’m going to do with myself (although I’ll probably start by cleaning the house). It is going to be a much needed break, but I can’t really say that I’m looking forward to it yet for two reasons: first because it is still far enough out that I haven’t allowed myself to think about it (lest I ignore my current obligations) and second because, for me,  shifting gears from “Production Mode” to “Vacation Mode” is more like trying to surface after a long-term deep-sea dive: I need enough time to decompress.

I’m finding that decompression goes through emotional stages akin to the stages of grief. There is self-doubt, anxiety, sadness, frustration, apathy, elation, etc. They happen in no particular order and on no particular timeline: I was hit with self-doubt and sadness almost immediately after picture lock- not because anything was wrong, but because of a completely irrational worry that the other kids in the class might not like me anymore. Currently I’m in a stage of frustration/anxiety because I spent the week visiting with my sister who came to town for a visit and am just now, finally, getting around to sitting at a computer to put my thoughts into words.

Actually, this weekend with my sister was probably good practice for me to get used to switching modes: if there is one thing that I believe with great certainty it is that it is very important to maintain a good balance between Life and Work. Most of the semester I allow Work to absorb all my time and energy, but when family comes to visit, that’s when it’s time to let Life be the priority- and sometimes that means going with the flow even if the flow doesn’t happen to take you in a place that has a quiet work environment with a good wifi signal.

So while I may be anxious and frustrated about being behind on my Work, I don’t actually regret putting it off. In our American working culture I’m sure this is probably a heretical sentiment- to occasionally put off work in favor of pleasure- but I’m choosing to believe that it is a healthy choice.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on April 28, 2014.

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