Frank and Dave




It is the end of an era.

We gather together today to mourn the passing of two faithful dinner companions: Frank’s Red Hot and Dave’s Insanity Sauce. Their bottles hath runneth dry. Both of them. At the same time.

I have to ask myself how this happened. I’ve had that bottle of Dave’s Insanity Sauce “Total Insanity” variety since 2006. It moved into Chicago with me. It moved out of Chicago with me. It moved across the country with me. It aged, gradually, like a stinky cheese, from a delicious hot sauce into a delicious hot paste. I tried to make the deliciousness last longer through an infusion of vinegar, but knew it was a palliative measure at best and that I would need to begin letting go.

Franks Red Hot was newer to the scene: an impulse gift brought home by the Curmudgeonly Lion after we moved to California. It took us a while to get acquainted, and then, true to it’s advertising campaign’s tag lines, I began to put that S*** on everything. Once my youngest sister introduced me to the idea of hot-sauce-on-macaroni-and-cheese, Frank’s fate was sealed.

I blame my Dad for getting me started on the hot sauce trend. When we were kids he would occasionally add Tabasco sauce to his food- which was just about the spiciest thing we could imagine at the time. Then one year for one of the holidays, someone gave him a bottle of “Scorned Woman” which was exponentially hotter. Dad could be pretty liberal with the Tabasco, but limited Scorned Woman to one or two “kapows”, individual drops carefully tipped out onto a dish whilst making explosion noises.

There are thousands of hot sauces out there, but most of them are just novelty¬† items with saucy names designed to be given as dad gifts. And usually they’re good and hot, but don’t have any real flavor. A good, flavorful hot sauce is a rare and precious thing. So I now stand at a crossroads: do I go out and get more Frank’s and more Dave’s? Or do I try something new? Or do I revert back to the old standby of Tabasco? Perhaps I should jump on the Siracha bandwagon while the band is still playing. I’m taking recommendations.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on May 15, 2014.

4 Responses to “Frank and Dave”

  1. Inner Beauty hot sauce, blend of papaya,pineapple,brown sugar,mustard seed, habenero

  2. Sorry found that it is no longer made…but here is a recipe

  3. Ok so, here is the listing for inner beauty and adequate replacements

  4. I thought the companies that made the two sauces were dead. This isn’t a funeral. It’s a pity party:P hehe

    I never was into the hot sauce craze. My brother chased it like the Krusty Ribwich. But, not me. No, because my brother slipped a hot pepper into an innocent tomato I once liked to eat as a child, I had no interest in intentionally raising my temperature and risking damage to my body with spicy foods. I can tolerate some milder peppers these days. But, I draw the line at jalapenos.

    I used to put ketchup on all of my mother’s bland cooking for years. I also used to favor gallons of soda and Kool-Aid. Now, it’s iced tea, Arnold Palmers, good homemade lemonades, smoothies I blend myself, iced coffee and barbeque or tartar sauce on nearly everything.

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