Burning Out The Poison


No! Don't go towards the light!

No! Don’t go towards the light!

My mood has not been entirely stable over the past few weeks. Mostly this is due to the sudden change in my daily schedule from a rigorous academic routine to a schedule entirely made up of unstructured time. It’s not that I dislike unstructured time- after such an intensive few months it is a relief to have some free time- but I find major changes to my daily routine to be very jarring.

The advantage to being very busy is that it means you can put off a lot of worry and annoyances in the name of more pressing deadlines. There is a disadvantage, of course: the things that you put off never really go away and you find them waiting for you when the pressing deadlines are over.

So on top of being flung headlong into the wilderness of Unstructured Free Time, I find myself being ambushed by Ignored Problems that have spent the interim getting fat and aggressive because I wasn’t around to nip them in the bud. Typically these are small problems. Or, at least, they begin as small problems. I try to not put off big problems for obvious reasons. But just because they began as small problems doesn’t mean they stay that way, but even once they grow into big problems (by virtue of my negligence) they still aren’t important problems so they become twice as difficult to deal with.

At any rate, dealing with pent up problems and worries is a little bit like suddenly being doused in emotional toxins. When it finally got bad enough that I couldn’t ignore them any more I did the only thing that I could think of to fight it. I went for a run.

Now that it is getting towards Midsummer it is getting more and more difficult for me to run during my favorite twilight hours without it interfering with dinnertime. More often than not I find myself running directly into the setting sun, but lately I’ve found that this has actually been helpful. Running directly into the low sun forces a certain kind of blindness on me; it takes over my field of vision and forces me into the state of no-mind where, ironically, I get a lot of thinking done.

Something about going for a run in the direct sunlight was just the treatment that I needed: it was as if the sun burned away all the poisons. I wish I could say that it was a cure to my problems, but they always seem to come back. A treatment is just as good.

 

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on May 30, 2014.

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