Between Two Minds

The arena of big thoughts.

The arena of big thoughts.

Being a holiday weekend makes it tricky to feel motivated to write a post. The weather has been hot enough that it has been tricky to feel motivated to do much of anything and having a holiday on top of that doesn’t help. I’ve watched a lot of television and movies and taken a lot of naps and had a lot of extremely gnarly dreams and that’s about it.

The thing is, I’m caught between two minds at the moment. It is just a few days before my birthday which means that it is just a few days before I start a new chapter of my life. It is a little bit like the week between Christmas and New Years when I¬†look at all the things that I want to change and realize how much work I have cut out for myself.

Last year my “Birthday Resolution” was to make more bold choices and to seize more opportunities: it seemed like an obvious resolution to make because I was about to embark on graduate school and I wanted to be sure to make the most of it. Last year I felt a clear need to push myself more and to open myself up to new experiences. This year my needs feel less clear: life has been treating me pretty well and the momentum that I’ve built up seems the be carrying me along at a lightning speed. I’m not sure that I really want to add much to that at the risk of weighing it down.

At the same time, the fast pace of life has forced me to set aside some things that I really ought to address: financial planning, for example, or the future of the production company that I started back in Chicago and haven’t had time to manage since. There are a series of decisions that need to be made, but none of them are simple and all of them will have lasting effects. And there are new decisions being presented every day: do I want to plunge into the next semester deep in production or do I want to focus on critical studies and more specialized training?

I haven’t decided yet. I keep putting off the decision. But I have been giving thought to a lot of these things and it is surprisingly tiring to do so (thus all the naps and, probably, the gnarly dreams). I feel confident that whatever decision that I make will be the right one, but I don’t yet know what that decision will be.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on July 5, 2014.

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