Twitchy


Just be calm, it'll go away... Just be calm it'll go away...

Just be calm, it’ll go away… Just be calm it’ll go away… (Image thanks to http://trextrying.tumblr.com)

It was one of those days that got past me somehow.

It’s not that I didn’t accomplish anything, but rather that I got so absorbed in whatever it was that I was doing that time failed to have any meaning. I suppose it is good to have days like this once in a while- it shows that I can stay focused on a task for longer than five minutes (which, increasingly, is becoming the span of my attention thanks to teh internets). At the same time, though, I find myself looking back on the day in bewilderment without any sense of what happened or whether I am keeping up with my workload. On days like this I just have to trust that whatever progress I am making will be enough.

You might think that a day spent in deep concentration would be very relaxing. And in some ways it was. However, since Mother Nature seems to like a balance in all things, any serenity that I might have gained from a day absorbed in my work was offset by a muscle somewhere in my chest or stomach that spent the entire day quivering like a caffeinated poodle in a sausage factory.

At first I thought that my heart was racing. It felt like my heart was racing. When I put my fingers to my neck and took my pulse, however, my pulse was normal. Calm. Resting. I became aware that the twitching that I was feeling wasn’t evidence of anxiety after all, but knowing that didn’t seem to help; my body wanted to be wound up while my brain wanted to be calm. The day became a tug-of-war between mind and matter; brains over brawn- with brawn giving a surprisingly good showing against my higher mental functions.

Was I struggling with the beginnings of stress? I wanted to believe that I was not. I find anxiety to be an easy current to get swept up in and a difficult current to escape: a riptide that inevitably requires a lot of sideways movement before I can labor my way back to the shore. At the same time I try to listen when my body tries to tell me things because my body usually knows what’s what even when my brain is still trying to gather its wits. Sometimes you need to listen to it. Sometimes you need to ignore it.

The tricky part is figuring out when to do which.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on July 21, 2014.

One Response to “Twitchy”

  1. I like the T-Rex cartoon. 🙂

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