Grey Area


I call this one the "What I Did Over The Weekend Pas De Deux"

I call this one the “What I Did Over The Weekend Pas De Deux”

I realized too late yesterday that I hadn’t written a post all weekend. I didn’t have any excuse- my weekend was a leisurely one. Top accomplishments included descaling the coffee maker and finishing my library book before its due date. So really I had no excuse. Except for not having much of interest to write about.

Which is still a problem that I’m running into.

Once again, I’m sitting myself down and forcing myself to write something rather than putting it off until later. I keep looking around for inspiration and I keep seeing my stack of library books on the desk beside me and wishing that I could just give up on trying to write and go to the library to pick out some new books instead. That will certainly be my reward for once this post is done!

Along with reading James Franco’s “Actors Anonymous” (which I wrote a post about because I didn’t get it), and Ray Bradbury’s “Fahrenheit 451” (which I wrote a post about because I didn’t get it) I also recently finished “Compelling People” by John Niffinger and Matthew Kohut and “Life After Life” by Kate Atkinson. I haven’t written about the latter two books because I didn’t struggle to understand them.

I guess this says something about my reading-vs-writing habits: I tend to write about the things that I don’t understand. I suspect that I do this because writing about the things I don’t understand helps me think through what it is that I don’t understand about them: it forces me to wrestle my loose incomprehension into the concrete articulation of words. It doesn’t always give me the answers, but at least it helps me to focus on the questions.

Understanding is a tricky thing: I always underestimate how much I value my sense of understanding until I encounter something that I don’t understand. I find myself wracked with uncertainty: especially when it seems like everybody else seems to “get” it and I don’t. Am I wrong or is everybody else? Sometimes I can’t tell whether I’m the one being thick or if everybody wonders the same thing but just doesn’t let on. It’s a classic case of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” I suppose.

Sometimes I can’t tell whether, by not understanding, I’m being a skeptic or a fool. Maybe the two aren’t too far apart.

 

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on July 28, 2014.

One Response to “Grey Area”

  1. There’s some joke or irony in what you say about writing your way through misunderstanding while not writing about what you invest time in and understand just fine.

    You could probably write as well about what you are reading as you do about what you read that gave you a headache…if writing something here every week is that important to you. I wonder what it is you wish to achieve by writing here once (or more) a week. And, if you mentioned it before, I’ve forgotten.

    I suppose I could write about the mystery novels (the only thing genuinely) I have been reading and noting in an effort to both grasp the details of the job and solve the case before reaching the end (which I fail at nearly every time because the author throws a wrench late in the game). Maybe I would find other readers of those books and start some sort of book club.

    I would like to hear your thoughts on “Life After Life” as it seems to be one of those secretly trending reads across the globe and deals with a topic I’ve been pondering for some time now.

    You have no idea how it shakes me to my core when I don’t “get” something and find myself surrounded (sometimes I just suspect everyone else gets it) by laughing, smiling, carefree faces who take it all in stride while I am trying to figure out how to get out of first gear or some oil slick. I sometimes feel like those men accused of not asking directions when lost on the road. I’m not a stubborn caveman, I tell myself. But, maybe that’s just one of the things I’ve been doing to deny myself progress/understanding…and that’s enough to bring me to tears.

    ‘You need a tissue? I might need one in a minute.

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