Evergreen


Seems kinda silly to dream about a white Christmas here... just sayin'.

Seems kinda silly to dream about a white Christmas here… just sayin’.

Winter in Los Angeles is like a whisper of a memory of a dream. Here in the land of eternal summer, winter is like catching a whiff of your grandmother’s house: it comes to mind briefly and intensely¬† for a few nostalgic moments and then it is gone again.

At this time of year, just a few days in front of Christmas and with the new year on the horizon, it is easy to ignore the signals that there is a holiday on the horizon and to just carry on with everyday life. Up until yesterday this was a fact that I was more than pleased to take advantage of: it was the end of the semester and I didn’t need the distraction of a holiday season to split my focus. Then, yesterday, as I was driving home after a day spent in the sound equipment center doing inventory and testing microphone kits, I was listening to the radio and the radio personality made the offhand comment that Christmas was just ten days away!

Yikes, y’all. Yikes.

I did manage to get my Christmas decorations up over the weekend, but I was thinking I might get to enjoy them for a while. “A while” in my mind evidently equated to something longer than ten days. And yes, I’m the kind of person who leaves the Christmas decorations up for ALL TWELVE days of Christmas so I’ll still get some enjoyment out of them once the big day is over, but half of the fun of Christmas is the anticipation and the whole point of anticipation is that it happens before an event.

I have to wonder whether I’ve been keeping myself busy on purpose. I get weird and depressed when I am suddenly faced with free time after being active and driven for a long period so it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that I am just trying to outrun the end-of-semester blues by running headlong into as many other tasks as I can. There is also the quiet discomfort of being unable to go home for the holidays while listening to everybody elses’ home-for-the-holidays plans. I haven’t really given it much thought until now but I don’t think that is by accident.

It does sneak up on me at unexpected times, though: I glanced at my wallet yesterday and realized that I had a California driver’s license. Not that this came as much of a surprise: I’ve had it for nearly three years now, but it was startling to realize that this is home now. I’m becoming a Californian whether I like it or not: you practice something long enough and it starts to become who you are. So really I’ll be “home” for the holidays no matter where I spend them geographically. I just need to learn to embrace strange summery Christmases as a reality instead of a dream.

There are worse things.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on December 16, 2014.

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