After Midnight



I sometimes think that I must like being too busy.

I’m discovering that busyness is often my excuse for a lot of bad behavior. Running late? Too busy. Careless with details? Too busy. Didn’t go for a run? Too busy. Forgot to send a birthday card? Too busy. Careless? Busy. Thoughtless? Busy. Uninspired? Busy.

You get the picture.

The thing is, though, I’m not necessarily any better of a human being when I’m not busy. I often find myself to be much less productive as soon as my schedule opens up. A little bit of it is laziness, I’ll admit, but laziness seems like a flaw while busyness seems like a virtue even if it means poor work and not being a very good human being.

It’s not just that I’m busy, though, there is actually meaningful work being accomplished along the way. When I think back to my first semester in the graduate program and the volume of work that I was able to handle then compared to the volume of work that I am able to handle now I can see that progress is being made when it comes to my personal work-endurance. Endurance is a quality that I want to cultivate and the only way that I know how to cultivate it is to work as hard as I can for as long as I can and that means keeping busy. So I have to wonder whether “busyness” is a soft, leading edge to actual productiveness.

The thing that seems to make the most difference between being busy and being productive seems to lie in how well an individual is able to be busy and still manage all the details without whining about it (like I am doing right now) or using it as an excuse (which I do pretty much every day).

So I still have a long way to go. At the moment, and this moment is about half an hour after midnight, I am trying to avoid thinking about it too much. Tomorrow I will try to do better.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on February 5, 2015.

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