Gentle Derailment

Dang now I gotta clean this all up.

Dang now I gotta clean this all up.

The early part of the week was like a very slow derailment of a large piece of heavy equipment. I’m not sure that I would call it a “train wreck” because there was no crashing nor burning nor wholesale O-The-Humanity style destruction that the word “train wreck” would conjure up, but things did start to get off track.

It began on Monday with an attempt to return some camera equipment that I had borrowed over the weekend for the directing scene that I was working on. I arrived at the camera department to find it closed and locked tight and no one around to say why or when it would open again. I ran a few other errands while I waited, then I sat for ten or fifteen minutes hoping someone would show up. No one did. At least, no one who worked there: only another student who mentioned that it had been closed an hour ago too.

It didn’t make sense to wait.The equipment that I was returning was large and awkward enough that it merited driving onto campus to drop it off rather than to try to haul it from the parking structure half a mile away. I’d gotten a temporary parking permit for thirty minutes and my thirty minutes were up. I had other things to do. I needed to park so that I could do them. If I parked it would mean that I wouldn’t get another chance to return the equipment that day. If I didn’t return the equipment that day then I wouldn’t get a chance the next day because I would be tied up in sound mixes starting at seven am and going straight (and likely late) to class until six pm. If the equipment was late I would be fined. If it was late two days then I would be fined twice.

I left. I was furious.

Driving off of campus to go park was the slowest, angriest drive I’ve ever attempted. Driving on campus is an exercise in  the endurance of human stupidity. Bikers. Skateboarders. Idiot undergrads who don’t look over their shoulder before walking out into the street and stopping five feet in front of a minivan with an enraged driver who is mere moments away from spontaneous combustion. Go on. See if your bus is coming. It’s not like it’s an active street or anything. Oh hi. Yes. I’m here. Surprise!

It’s easily the most angry that I’ve been in months. I found myself wondering where this strange, disproportionate rage was coming from: I was frustrated, true, but it was a stupid equipment drop-off, not the end of the world. I ruled out low blood sugar (I’d just eaten lunch) and hormones (the timing was wrong) and finally had to chalk it up to Just-One-Of-Those-Things. Stress, maybe. Over-tiredness.

Whatever the reason, the rest of my day wobbled very slightly out of balance in every subsequent task. Tasks that I expected to complete in an hour or two ran right up until the start of class: the one class that I was responsible for starting right on time with a report, skipping dinner and standing up a classmate in the process. And so on.

I was glad when the day was over. Luckily for me the rest of the week does not seem to have followed Monday’s lead, although I’m still doing damage control to get everything back on track. Today has been a pleasant opportunity to begin gathering my wits again and figure out how best to proceed from here.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on February 25, 2015.

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