Hot Trot

I day this at the risk of annoying my family and friends back home in Chicago, but: I’m just not ready for the weather to be this hot. For the past few days the temperatures have been distinctly summery- in the eighties and nineties.

It’s March. It shouldn’t be this hot in March.

So it hasn’t been easy to want to go out running in the heat. Since it is my break, though, and since I’ve been eating cupcakes like it’s my job, I decided that I’d better make the effort.

At first, I consoled myself with the thought that at least I would be warmed up in no time: with the weather so warm I wouldn’t have to worry about stiff muscles or waiting to break a sweat. I did, however, have to work to distract myself from my dry lips and cottony mouth from not drinking enough water beforehand. Once I. accomplished this, however, things clicked into place. I found myself in a mindset of thinking about spiritual matters and of fate and of destiny and of fortune: not all of it in the context of myself.

I found myself wondering how I would change my life if I suddenly found out I only had a certain amount of time to live and whether any of those things that came to mind were things that I ought to be doing right now even with a, presumably, long life ahead of me. I’ve always had a problem with the attitude of living each day as if it is your last. I appreciate the need for one to live mindfully and in the moment, but an endless series of Last Days does not a life make. I think the reason why I have such a problem with this attitude, though, is the fact that I often play a very long game: expecting reward and satisfaction years in the future instead of in every instant moment. This occasionally makes for days that I look back upon and ask myself: if this was my last day then would I be able to die happy? And to which I answer myself with a decisive and vehement “no”. But then there are days like today that are pretty darn good even if they are too hot and the most satisfactory accomplishment was an afternoon nap.

At any rate, all this thinking about long games and seizing the day did get me thinking about my goals and needs for the nearest years of my future and the fact that it was time to begin building the plan for the next steps forward. I haven’t yet begun these plans, but at least I determined the direction in which I wanted to go.

That may not count as seizing the day, but it does feel like progress.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on March 16, 2015.

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