Eve


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What light through yonder window breaks?

Tomorrow I will be spending the day shooting my directing scene for class. Considering how I usually stress out about a production I’m finding myself actually pretty calm about this production which is a rare treat. Of course, I may be a wreck tomorrow, but for right now I’m enjoying not having palpitations of the heart over it.

The thing that is worrying me, in the back of my mind, is a presentation that I have to do on Monday. I’m not unprepared for it, but I don’t feel prepared for it either. I would’ve liked to have spent an hour or two today working on it, but, alas, I’ll need to wait and work on it after the shoot. I hate being pushed right up to the last minute like this, but I’m not sure when else I would’ve been able to work on it.

Now that it getting close to the end of the semester, I have to start thinking about my plans for the summer. It’s shaping up to be a pretty busy one, but most of the plans that I have so far are written in smoke on the calm: which is to say that they could dissipate at any time, but for now seem to be hanging in the air in front of me. My internship has asked me to stay on during the summer. My job on campus working in the equipment center has likewise been looking for help. I like both jobs and I’m reluctant to give them up for the summer but the Curmudgeonly Lion is pushing for me to take a break and too be free of my obligations. It’s difficult to turn down work, though, especially low stress paid work. I’m not going to lie: it feels GOOD to be contributing money to the household. It’s not a ton: not enough to live on, but it’s enough to not feel guilty for things like eating out once in a while or planning a trip back to Chicago to see family.

So I’m deliberating on my options. I think maybe I’m a little bit afraid of the idea of taking a break. I’ve been working so hard for so long that the idea of having days to myself without obligation for weeks on end feels…worrisome. I can imagine myself drifting around the apartment all day with nothing to keep me on track and feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by the amount of things that I’ve been putting off all through the school year: dentist appointments, bookkeeping, car maintenance, housekeeping… actually facing down that persistent seven pounds of weight gain, ugh, clothes shopping, or worse, shoe shopping. Blech. These are the things waiting for me in my free time.

Then again, there is also reading and napping and generally having time to spend with the Curmudgeonly Lion and my cats. So it might not be as bad as I worry.

I don’t know. I’m undecided. Perhaps I should sleep on it.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on April 18, 2015.

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