Sleepless Night

Oh good you're not doing anything right now so you can think about all these things.

Oh good you’re not doing anything right now so you can think about all these things.

I lay awake at night while my brain endlessly flipped channels between thoughts. Even trying every trick that I could think of to quiet my mind I still couldn’t sleep. I replayed my recent class. I replayed the music that I’d listened to earlier in the day. I replayed television shows and old worries. Somehow my mind had gotten it’s teeth into an idea and wasn’t about to let it go for mere sleep.

So it was a long and restless night. I ended up on the futon in the living room: one of the most consistently comfortable places to nap in the entire apartment where I managed a few hours with somewhat less brain-noise, but I would be reluctant to call it true sleep.

I wish that I could say what it was that kept me awake that night: was I worried about something? Not in particular. Was I trying to figure out a problem? It didn’t seem so. Was I frantically organizing my thoughts in preparation to hit the ground running in the morning (as I often do right before production)? No, there didn’t seem to be any reason to my wakefulness.

For having slept so poorly I seem to be reasonably chipper today: better than I was feeling at this time yesterday when I was busily fighting off feelings of ennui, misanthropy and social fatigue- emotional artifacts from a long, busy semester. Now that the finish line is in sight I know that I’m supposed to be in a final sprint, but suddenly it feels like it takes twice as much effort just to keep going at the same pace. I suppose insufficient sleep doesn’t help much- in spite of my best efforts to keep good sleeping habits.

Technically speaking I have a final exam today. The exam is in script analysis so it will involve watching a movie and breaking it down into its structural elements. As exams go, it’s pretty laid back- I suppose that is one of the perks of being in a graduate program for filmmaking: the true testing happens in the process rather than in a final test. Mostly the end of the semester means final projects rather than final exams. I’m feeling pretty confident about the exam, so I don’t think that it was the reason for my wakefulness, but it would’ve been nice to go into the test feeling well rested.

Ah well. Grad school problems.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on April 28, 2015.

One Response to “Sleepless Night”

  1. I must say, your grad school problems are much more appealing than mine! I’ve never been assigned a movie to watch for any core class. You lucky girl you!! 🙂

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