Yesterday So Tomorrow


I'm beginning to think I might be spending too much time away from the house.

I was in a meeting today when the question of a deadline came up:

“When is it due?” Someone asked.

“Yesterday,” came the reply, “So, tomorrow.”

This about sums things up for me. After last night’s feelings of being in over my head, today started off poorly with me popping awake at five in the morning unable to fall back asleep again due to the thoughts chasing themselves around and around in my head. The day did seem to get better, though. I made appropriate progress and longingly wrote out my to do list for the end of the week when I will finally get some time at home… It was like writing a Christmas list. By the time I returned home I was actually feeling pretty good: my nose had stopped running for a few hours and I still had a little energy. I thought maybe I was on the mend.

Maybe. But not mended yet. It’s nine o clock now and the energy is gone and the runny nose is back. I decided that I’d write a blog and then turn in. Ok, I’d write a blog and then brush and floss my teeth and then turn in. Ok, I’d write a blog then brush and floss my teeth, then take a shower and then go to bed.

Story of my life. One more task and then one more task. Yesterday, so tomorrow.

I realize that the more I dwell on this the worse it becomes but somehow I can’t seem to distract myself from it. At every turn is another thing I’m supposed to be doing. I feel guilty because all I really want to do is be alone for a long time with nothing hanging over my head, but I’ve made all these commitments so to not honor them would be… I’m not sure what word I’m reaching for: dishonorable? Inappropriate? Selfish? Maybe the word doesn’t exist.

At any rate, I’m just hanging in there as best as I can for the weekend. With luck, a day or two of time at home will have me back to normal in no time.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on May 13, 2015.

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