Thurst


All day I’ve had an unquenchable thirst. I chalk this up to the heat, but it somehow seems more insistent than that.

I partly wonder if it is a response to stress that is being sublimated into thirst to get my attention. I’ve been working very hard to stay relaxed and calm and I keep checking in with myself to ask: am I stressed yet? To my astonishment the answer has largely been “no”. There have been a few stressful incidences along the way, of course, but I’m discovering a new kind of assurance that I never had before: problems are solvable and I have the skills to solve them. Perhaps the assurance comes from the skills or perhaps it comes from the attitude that problems be solved: both are qualities that I’ve certainly gained in the past two years.

At any rate, I’m not *quite* out from under the shadow of worry, but I’m finding that it has to take more and more circuitous paths to get to me: an unquenchable thirst, a strange lump in my throat, a pain in my jaw, etc. I’m learning to just accept these discomforts as the price of progress and get on with the work.

The coming week will be the true test of how well I can manage stress. By this time next week production will be half over and I’ll know whether I’ve jumped the gun in declaring myself to be living a post-anxiety life, but until then there’s no reason not to carry on as if this is the new normal.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on June 20, 2015.

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