Day After


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Production is like a carousel: a big go 'round full of ups and downs, but eventually you have to get off.

This post has had three different titles over the last few days. Unfortunately the title was all that I managed to find the time to write while in production. I didn’t really intend for there to be a three day radio silence, but then again I probably should have expected it: producing, at least at this level, is a full contact sport.

Production went well, but I’m glad that it is over. The privilege of being able to live my own life again is a relief so strong that it is almost physical. The simple act of being able to choose to read a book or take a nap or sit and watch television feels like an unbelievable privilege after a week of being totally in the thrall of the film. It’s a heady experience to be that engaged with a project for that long, but it likewise comes with a pretty legitimate “hangover” after the fact. For the past few days my energy level has been unbelievably steady and strong considering how much work I was doing. I felt very little hunger. I drank very little caffeine. I ached from the long days on my feet but not enough to merit painkillers… All in all it was  pretty striking evidence to the human body’s ability to sustain ongoing activity in an environment of shifting variables and continuous stress.

Today I paid for it. Everything hurt. I had no energy at all no matter how much I ate or how much coffee I drank. Focusing on anything at all seemed like an unbelievably difficult task. By the time I got home from work I could barely string words into sentences. I can’t help but think that the past few days I was running on… Well, not quite adrenaline: I didn’t have the heart pounding fight-or-flight feeling of adrenaline, but I might’ve been running on noradrenaline- a sister hormone to adrenaline with nearly all the same properties of alertness and focus and energy but none of the heart pounding super strength needed for a life or death situation.

I’m just speculating here: I’m no endocrinologist, just an interested dilettante.

At any rate, whatever high octane fuel that I was running on, it ran out today. I still need to gather my wits from this production and figure out my plan for the next month on the next production.

After that I am taking a break from producing. I’m good at it, but I’m not fulfilled by it. I need to find balance before I get out into the real world and have to take jobs because of the paycheck.

On that note, I need to get to sleep and pay off a little bit more of that fatigue-debt from production.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on June 29, 2015.

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