Yellow Moon


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Don't come ' round tonight, there's bound to be a fight, there's a bathroom on the right.

I stepped outside to walk my sister, Bean, and her husband to their car. It was late enough that most of the fireworks had died down, but the whole town was shrouded in a cinematic haze as far as the eye could see. It was difficult to tell whether the haze was marine layer coming in off of the ocean or a residue of smoke from all the fireworks in town. There was a faint smell of sulphur in the air. To the east, a yellow half moon hung in the sky.

Over all it was a day of celebration and leisure, but not without a few periods of weariness and low mood. There is clearly something going on inside me chemically that I suspect is still in response to the intensity of last week’s production. It is a little embarrassing to discover that your body takes so long to bounce back from a production, but that just seems to be the way I’m wired. I’ve been fighting it, trying to snap myself back into being productive, but as a result my back has been threatening to go out all day- a feeling that I haven’t had for months, so I daren’t fight it anymore. If I need to rest then I need the rest: I can’t run at 110% for days on end and not expect it to have consequences.

In a effort to gain some perspective I sat down and calculated out how many hours that I put towards filmmaking in the last few months. I keep a time clock app on my phone for this purpose and at the end off each month I add it all up to see how close I am to reaching 10,000 hours. At the end of June I crossed the threshold at 8,000. Say this rate I estimate that I will reach 10,000 in February or March.

All things considered this is a pretty useless factoid, yet I found it strangely comforting: it was both a sign of progress and proof that I wasn’t “there” yet- that it was OK if I was frustrated and confused and overwhelmed because I was still learning.  Acceptance is a deceptively difficult step in the process when it comes to fulfilling one’s dreams: acceptance that they won’t come true overnight and acceptance that the path to achieving then might be longer and more hard work than ever anticipated. Sometimes, dreams hang in the sky like a yellow half moon: bright and golden, but only because of a haze in the air. Acceptance can be a beautiful thing.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on July 5, 2015.

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