I still woke up in the middle of the night: it just seems to be my routine now, but it was a nice change of pace to not have a racing heart and a sheen of cold sweat. Some days are just good like that.

It’s the stress of producing that I hate. I actually like doing the work. I realized this yesterday in a moment of surprised revelation. Up until now the stress has been such an all encompassing element of producing that I’ve been unable to separate the two in my mind- and carrying this level of stress quickly eats away any pleasure that might be gained from satisfactory work.

Having had this revelation I was pleased to discover that I was able to enjoy a day “off” without worrying. Granted, it wasn’t really a day of leisure since I did spend about six hours working on schedules and scripts and budgets and other production paperwork, but during the time when I wasn’t engaged in these tasks I had the distinct pleasure of being able to put them out of my mind. Just being able to maintain eye contact with the a Curmudgeonly Lion over breakfast without needing to constantly check my phone was a treat. Maybe I’m getting better at this after all: I’m certainly no expert, but this seems like progress.

At any rate, the work begins again with renewed vigor tomorrow, so I’m headed of to bed in the hopes of a good night’s sleep. (The Noise persists… so my hopes are not high, but I’m a optimist). So that’s all for tonight.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on July 12, 2015.

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