Unofficial Calendars


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Somehow "one day at a time" feels like an inappropriate sentiment here...

I opened a new package of pills today. I found myself staring down at the blister-pack and counting the individual bumps even though I already knew how many I would find.

“By the time I reach the end of this card,” I thought, “summer will be over and the semester will have begun.”

When I was a kid this kind of thing would have been called an advent calendar and it would’ve been filled with chocolate. And it would’ve ended at Christmas. I guess this is a sign of growing up when days are counted out by pills and the goal is just as much to get those days behind you as it is to look forward to what lies at the end.

I feel guilty and wasteful when I get like this. There are times when all I can do is count the days and I think about the grand scope of my life and the inexorable fact that it only moves in one direction and I feel guilty for wanting these days to be behind me. I’ll never be this young again. Life is pretty good and maybe I should be enjoying it more: it might never be this good again.

Anyway, I’m counting the days. It’s actually nice to be able to see an end in sight. Knowing myself like I do, I’m sure that the coming semester will bring a different set of logistical problems and scheduling obligations and work- life balance issues, but it will be a different set of problems, obligations, and issues.

Anyway, for now I’m trying to focus on the present: one day at a time, one task at a time, one step at a time. It’s an act of trust that this day-to-day effort will be enough.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on July 26, 2015.

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