After The Storm


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There is a certain kind of calm that I sometimes feel that I can only describe as being an “after-the-storm” kind of feeling.

Unsurprisingly, it usually happens after I’ve just gone through a series of upheavals and struggles and, usually, tears. It’s a hollow kind of serenity: a feeling like everything has been washed away and the world is grey and still. That might sound as if I am damning it with faint praise, but compared to the agitation and tension of uncontrollable circumstances it is very pleasant to find some mental stillness. Some days it is a feeling that comes naturally, other days it is a feeling that needs to be helped along.

The feeling has been in the air today. The day began sunny and bright, but with a hint of wind and a scattered net of clouds to break up the brightness. Walking to campus, I was struck by the quietude of the neighborhood. It wasn’t silence: there were still distinct noises all around, but there seemed to be a hush over everything as if the world were holding it’s breath. I’m not sure if this phenomenon is a reflection of the physical world or of my perception of it. Perhaps it is a mental hush that I am experiencing for a change.

There’s plenty on my mind. It is two days before the start of production and there are dozens of last minute details to be handled: equipment to be picked up, checks to be dropped off, paperwork to be managed, schedules to be arranged, etc. Technically I suppose this quiet might be more like the calm before the storm instead of after it, but no matter: I’ll take all the calm I can get. If I must head into the storm then it is nice to be going into it all with a clear mind, though. I’m sure there will be plenty more agitation and tension so I might as well enjoy the clarity while it lasts. It won’t last forever, but then again nothing does: in two weeks this production will be wrapped and I’ll look back with 20/20 hindsight and wonder what I was so worried about.

 

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on August 6, 2015.

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