Empty Spaces

I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn

I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn

Getting out of bed was hard. Forcing myself to go for a run instead of going back to bed was harder.

It wasn’t a bad morning, I just had a lot of extra weariness and not a lot of motivation. I was tempted to just  give myself a break. I didn’t give in. I put on my running clothes and got out the door. It wasn’t anything special, but I got it done and felt glad that I had done it. I surfed Facebook for a while afterwards while cooling down and stumbled upon a listicle of : 19 Hard Things You need to Do To Be Successful. This wasn’t a new article- here I was just discovering it twenty months after it first published, but it seemed especially apropos for today of all days.

Especially item number two: “You have to get up earlier than you want to get up”. Dang if that one didn’t ring true.

Most of them rang true. Not in the preachy tone that How-To-Be-Successful articles sometimes take on, but in a matter-of-fact kind of way. It was a refreshing reminder that it’s great to be successful, but you have to get through the suck first.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the sheer amount of work that it takes to get anything done. I’ve been thinking about this a lot since most of this work has been hanging over my head un-done and I find myself wondering how I got into this mess and why other people seem to have their shit together more than me. I consider myself to be a pretty organized person, but I tend to over-commit because if I don’t push myself I lose momentum and get bored and frustrated. Consequently I tip the scales too far and find myself overwhelmed and scattered.

I also have trouble asking for help. This is a new realization for me. It turns out that this is related to trust issues: I wait until I absolutely cannot do something on my own before I ask for help because I don’t trust that I will get help otherwise. I can think of a lot of examples that have cemented this mindset too, unfortunately, so I’m realizing that it is a pretty deep part of my personal philosophy- for better or worse. It’s something that I need to give some thought to because while it has certainly caused me problems in the past it has also taught me a lot of other useful things in the process: self-reliance, independence, perseverance, fortitude, etc. But at a certain point I need to learn to trust people or I’m going to get locked into a cage of independent self-reliance in a cold, cold world of suspicion and doubt.

How do I learn to ask for help before I need it? How do I know if I need it? How do I stop moving forward and taking on the burden of things that I’m not equipped to manage on my own when I ask for help and don’t get it- especially if I’m in a leadership position like producing? Trying to understand a problem like lack of trust and the need for help is like trying to describe the shape of an empty space: all you can do is describe the things around it. And I’ve only just realized there is an empty space that I need to describe.

This is going to take some thought. I’m going to have to do some of the hard things.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on September 24, 2015.

One Response to “Empty Spaces”

  1. Is there anything I can do to help you do the not so fun things? Like getting up earlier – would you like a daily good morning text message when I get on the bus at 7:01, which would be 5:01 for you….? Or are you thinking even earlier,,, because I do get up slightly before 6, which would equate to a slightly before 4 am text. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: