Twilight State


I lay in bed for a long time, not moving. I couldn’t move, but I didn’t want to either. I just lay there in the darkened room: both awake and dreaming, trapped beneath the inexorable weight of my own gravity. It’s an experience that I’ve had before: finding myself unable to move after emerging from sleep.

Apparently there is a phenomenon in which people occasionally wake up while their body is still in the paralysis of dream-sleep and can panic and find it difficult to breathe: the true source of the concept of a “night-mare” or “night-hag” (in which it was believed that an evil spirit was pinning the sleeper down in order to steal their breath.)

I don’t know if this was what I was experiencing. There was no sense of panic or fear. There was no breathlessness. But I also couldn’t move except for my eyelids. I stared at the ceiling and told myself that I didn’t need to rush and I could just wait until I was ready to move. Then I slipped back into a dream and watched history repeat itself for a while and when I woke up again I found that I could move as if nothing had happened.

The feeling stuck with me for a long time afterwards, though. I went around town to run some errands feeling like I was punch drunk. I had to work to stay focused on each task, but found it easy to tone out annoyances and stress. I made it home from the errands feeling surprisingly calm and collected. I had to fight the urge to take a nap. Coffee helped.

And after that the day was fine. Progress was made. Gifts were opened. Drawing boards were cleared. I’m beginning to think that I might be getting back on track. Just in time.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on December 29, 2015.

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