Sendoff


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We went to a sendoff party for a friend who was planning to move out of the state. She had decided that she wanted to be closer to her family and that she could still pursue her career interests in Portland. It was reasoning that I could certainly understand- my self imposed isolation from family and friends in the name of learning film production was beginning to weigh on my conscience. How many more holidays would I get to go home for? How many birthdays would I celebrate from afar? How many ambling, rambling chats was l missing out on because of my driving need to pursue this calling of filmmaking? Was it worth the sacrifice or was I pushing myself too far away from the things that are the most important to me?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

I still don’t have an answer.

Three years ago, my priority was pursuing filmmaking, no question. I didn’t have any doubts about moving across the country to do it: it was the Right Time. What has changed? I used to feel a driving need to convince people that I really was a filmmaker- maybe I was even working to convince myself. Now, admittedly I’m still miles away from being a professional filmmaker ( considering that I need to actually get paid before I can count myself as professional) but now I feel confident enough in my skills to think that this is just a matter of time and opportunity and not a matter of skill or talent.

So now I’m reassessing my priorities and I’m discovering an increased desire to connect with family and spend more quality time with people who are important to me. I think that I’m going to add a resolution to my list to call home once a week just to visit and keep in touch. It’s not as grand of a scheme as moving out of state, but I hope that it will make the distance feel smaller.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on December 30, 2015.

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