The Gross


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I just want it to be clean!

I regret not getting out for a run today. By the time it was late enough to go running, the sky was overcast with low, gray clouds and it had rained just enough to make the air cold and clammy, but not enough to make the ground wet. The thought of changing into shorts and a t shirt and fighting off the cold for the first mile and a half made the whole concept of running unappealing. Besides, I reasoned, I just did four loads of laundry and packed up all the Christmas decorations. I had earned a nap.

The nap was a failure. I lay down in the bedroom for thirty minutes or so, but my heart was flopping around in my chest like a freshly caught salmon. If let violently every time the Curmudgeonly Lion coughed in the other room. And I could smell myself and I smelled bad. I wasn’t sure what part of me was the culprit, but I couldn’t sleep smelling that bad. I got up and had a shower.

I’m learning that life is a dirty, grimy, greasy thing. When I’m not distracted by other things ( which is my default mode- to be distracted) I find myself realizing that every surface I come into contact with its covered in gross. The futon mattress stained with gray, the shadowy spot on the carpet, the yellow scum on the bathroom wall, the brownish gunk on the computer keyboard, etc.  I try to deal with the gross as best that I can but it never quite disappears and they always come back. Is this coming from my body? Is it me that is causing this buildup of blech on every surface? Or is it just a natural base-level of urban pollution that just can’t be shut out completely?

Who knows. All that I know is that it is a physical relief as well as an emotional one when I finally see a clean surface ( for as long as it lasts).

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on January 9, 2016.

One Response to “The Gross”

  1. Seriously. Wash your face, go for a walk, come in and wipe it and it’ll be gross. Dirt everwhere. Best way of dealing with it, get a dog, ten you learn to live with it

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