Apartment Complex


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In the morning we went out looking for houses to rent. We’d really love to buy, but with the price of real estate around here, it turns out that we can’t even afford to live under the Alameda street underpass without going beyond our means. Most times I feel pretty happy and privileged to be who I am and live like I do, but looking for housing cuts me down reeeeeeeeeal quick. I find myself looking around at all the houses around me and wondering how all these people can be so much richer than me? Why do they get to own their own homes while I have to share walls and worry about pet deposits? Living in an apartment complex brings out a misanthropic part of me that wants to move as FAR away from other humans as is humanly possible. A place where I don’t have to listen to their dogs or children or showers or music or cars. A place where no one hovers outside the bedroom window smoking or speaking loudly on a cell phone. A place where the gate isn’t propped open all the time and no one comes in and poaches the dryer in the laundry rooms.

What an uncharitable human being I am sometimes.

I think this must be a symptom of my impending graduation. I can no longer put off the fact that I’m going to be responsible for paying the bills soon and the leap from academia to profession is blind and uncertain. I feel sure that I will eventually do well for myself, but how long is eventually? And how well is well? And what do I do in the meantime?

I happened to go back and look at the trailers for three early films that I made before graduate school. Some of them held up pretty well, considering that I didn’t have the foggiest idea of what I was doing. But I can never just go back to that- now I know better about a lot of things. The stakes are a lot higher.

Whew, that’s enough heavy stuff for one night.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on January 23, 2016.

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