This face about sums up my mood at the time.

This face about sums up my mood at the time.

It was ten in the evening and class was showing no signs of ending any time soon. Which normally I wouldn’t have complained about except that we hadn’t had a break in the middle for a snack or to go to the bathroom. Which normally I wouldn’t have minded except that I spent my dinner hour doing Foley recording for the final project for that class. Which I was happy to do except that I went to the Foley stage straight from an afternoon of TAing a sound class…

And so on.

The whole day was like that with each new task overlapping the previous one so that there was never a single moment of down time. And I was handling it with aplomb right up until ten in the evening when class was supposed to be letting out and was showing no sign of stopping.

It was the dinner thing that got to me the most. It turns out that I don’t function well when hungry. I mean, I’ve known this for a long time, but I’d forgotten. I debated whether I should eat anything as I walked back to the van: it was late enough that I didn’t really need anything, but I wanted something to help even my keel.

So I had a muffin.

It was the butter that made me decide. Over lunch I had pilfered a foil-wrapped pat of butter to go on a muffin that I’d packed for dinner. I’d put it in the pocket of my lunch bag. I was pretty sure it would be spoiled if I didn’t use it that night. The muffins were leftover from the break and Needed Eating. The butter, it turned out, was fine. The muffin, however, was moldy. Just a little. Just a tiny bit on the after-taste.

But I was committed. So I finished it.

I felt guilty for whining about missing a meal: my walk to the parking structure takes me past the regular camping spot of a homeless man and I often wonder whether he gets enough to eat. Here I was, getting all teary-eyed over missing dinner when I had a whole bag full of uneaten food. If I’d missed dinner it was because I’d run out of time, not because I didn’t have food. I was in no danger of starving. I knew there would be more meals tomorrow. If I didn’t have time it was because my life was so full of other things that I wanted to do. Why should I lament my good fortune?

It was a philosophical problem too knotty for me to try to deal with on an empty stomach after a long day, so I decided to call it a night when I got home instead of writing a post.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on March 22, 2016.

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