Realistic Hypothetical Estimated Worth


Spend more time admiring the view

In the book that I’m reading, the vast majority of the human race is wiped out when the moon blows up. The only known survivors ( so far, this may change later on based upon some hints set up earlier) are the 1500 or so who are launched into space as a kind of Noah’s Ark. Only the best and brightest will do, of course.  Which has made me realize: if the moon were to blow up, I would definitely still be on the ground when it happened. I’m not scientifically minded, I’m not the strongest, fastest, smartest, or in the best social position to be deemed irreplaceable. And I’m really not interested in being an incubator for repopulating the human race which would almost certainly become a requirement of any survivors of the species. On that note, I’d probably be deemed too old anyway, with too many child bearing years behind me ( strictly in the sense of repopulating the species from planetwide devastation- according to social norms I’m just ‘ticking’).

This made me ask interesting questions about self worth. Who was I to think that I was special? That my impact on the world was meaningful? That my life is justified in its existence? But then again, many of my goals and aspirations are structured for the long term. I’m not preparing to die in an extinction event, I’m planning to live for an indeterminate number of years over which time I plan/hope to accumulate my worth which may or may not be inherent.

With that in mind, I find myself asking what I would do differently if I knew that I didn’t have a long term anymore? What would I be dissatisfied about leaving undone? Mostly the answers tend to be things like ‘sit outside and stare into space’, or ‘ eat the most delicious food every day’, or ‘ go visit family and places that I love’. Writing is still on the list. So is artwork- not because I need to get something done for the future, but because I wouldn’t feel right not doing them in the right now.

It’s an interesting mindset through which to read a book: the idea that “I’d this really happened, I would be involved in none of these adventures.” It’s a mindset that makes it difficult to judge how you would handle the same situation. It’s not exactly alienating, but there is a strange sense of ‘your survival is not my problem’ towards the characters which is typically the exact opposite of what an author wants his readers to be thinking. I assume anyway.

So that has been percolating away at the back of my mind. Maybe it’s actually related to graduation and the impending knowledge that my destiny r will soon be in my own hands for better or for worse. It’s not outer space but it is a journey into the unknown.

Luckily, the fate of the human race does not rest in my hands.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on April 30, 2016.

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