Hitting Snooze

Just for a minute...

Just for a minute…

The problem with having free time is I keep falling asleep. That is, I keep finding myself inordinately tempted to lie down for a nap for twenty minutes. I have to think that it is partly due to the sudden release of all my normal obligations- now that I can take a little nap, my body is insisting that I must.  No, really. RIGHT NOW.

Part of it is probably stress related too: living with the uncertainty about the future and constantly working to remind myself that it will be OK and everything will work out (“Yes, but how will it?” “I don’t know, it’s a mystery.”) is hard work, emotionally. There’s a reason why people fall into comfortable ruts in their lives- because change is hard. Napping is a coping mechanism that I recognize. The summer before my senior year of high school, I spent every day working on a large collage made out of magazine clippings. Working on it involved carpeting the family room floor with pages torn from magazines while I tried to fit the pieces together into a face. I would sit in the middle of the floor, drink a single Pepsi with ice (Star Wars: A Phantom Menace edition), work on the collage for about twenty minutes and then fall asleep, right there on the floor in the middle of all the magazines.

I’m noticing a similar habit developing: I get up in the morning, run, tidy up, do one General Life Task for the day (today it was going to the dentist for a cleaning), and then buckle down to work on sound editing. Then lunch. Nap. Then more sound editing. Nap. Then a slight freak-out about the mess in the apartment and a flurry of organizing. Dinner. Television. Blog. Bed.

For all this napping, I feel like I shouldn’t be this tired. Each time I wake up I wonder if I really slept, then I recall dreaming and know that I did sleep but wonder why I don’t feel rested. I tried taking a sleep-aid last night, but it didn’t stop me from grinding my teeth so hard that it woke up the Curmudgeonly Lion who proceeded to try to pry my jaws apart with no thought to the safety of his fingers. And the dreams! I suppose this litany of fantasy is a manifestation of un-resolved thoughts and inspirations and ideas that were shunted aside during the end of the semester that are now bubbling to the surface in my sleeping mind.

At any rate, I’m making an effort to focus on the Right Now and letting tomorrow worry about itself. Everything will work out, I just need to keep moving forward.

In between naps, anyway.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on May 19, 2016.

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