That Point

Some days you're making art, other days you're wasting crayons.

Some days you’re making art, other days you’re wasting crayons.

I’ve reached That Point with my writing. And by “That Point”, I mean, day three.

Day one is all enthusiasm: I want to write so much that anything else that I have to do feels like it is in my way. It doesn’t matter if the idea is good- it feels good. This is totally going to be the time that I sit down an dash off the next Great American Novel (or screenplay, but why hold back, I could do both- no problem). On day one, I’m pretty sure that I’m a genius, and I’ve just been just been holding back. On day one I create a new file and write exactly five pages. Six if you count the title page. The title is one word.

Day two is moderate determination: OK, I’m off to a good start, I just need to turn it into a habit. Two points make a line. I just need to sit down and write again. The inspiration is a little bit cooler- most of the exciting stuff came out yesterday when I was really inspired. And the beginning didn’t really come together quite as sharply as I’d hoped, but it’s a rough draft, so no biggie. I won’t even go back and read it, I’ll just pick up where I left off. Luckily it was the end of a scene, so all I have to do is figure out how to finish the scene. Which means I need to figure out where the scene was going in the first place. Was this really such a good idea after all? No matter. Just keep writing. On day two, I’m pretty sure I’m a serious writer but just out of practice. On day two I generously tell myself that I wrote five pages, even though the last one ends in the middle of a page.

Day three is That Point. The initial blast of inspiration is gone. I really need to write if I’m serious about turning this into a habit (It’s only been two days, for crying out loud) but I really don’t feel like writing. The concept still feels pretty good, but in a distant kind of way- not in the words that I’m actually putting down on paper. By now I’m pretty sure I’m just an average writer and I’m out of practice. The words that I’m putting down on paper don’t seem to be doing justice to the concept in my head. Sitting down to write means sitting down to face my own mediocrity- never mind that it is perfectly natural for the first draft to be barf. I haven’t written yet, on day three. Instead, I’m writing this post.

So I’m experiencing some bumps along the road, but so far I’m sticking to my goal. It would be nice to make it one whole week before getting discouraged, but maybe it is good to be fighting through this feeling early on so that I can move on quickly. Fingers crossed.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on June 2, 2016.

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