All that I did today was look at houses, eat, and sleep. Somehow I’m still tired.

I wish that I could say that the house hunting was a big success and that we found The One and put in an application and signed a lease and we are ready to go, but… Well, this is reality. We did find one unit that I really like. It doesn’t have an oven, which is strange: a stove, yes, but a oven no. And it’s not like there is an obvious place to install one of you wanted to bring your own (a lot of places don’t have refrigerators because people being their own). So that’s a consideration that I don’t quite know how to weigh into my decision making process. Of course, I’m not trying to decide alone, but either way it’s a strange thing to work around.

So I don’t have much to say about today except that it is exhausting trying to find the right shape for your life. And I can’t imagine how much harder it must be with kids or dogs or bad credit or any of the other variables of life. Sometimes I realize how razor thin of a line one has to walk to be considered “good”. Good for a job. Good for a house. Good credit. Good driving record. Good education. Good. Good. Good. ( Jesus, “good” is a funny looking word). Some of these rental applications want five years of rental history. Some of these job applications want seven years of employment- for entry level positions! At every turn someone is wanting to run my credit, or a criminal background check, or know my landlords and employers. They want to know my race and my gender and my veteran status and whether I have any physical or mental challenges- not that it would affect their decision making process in any way, of course, but you know, it’s a mandatory step in the application. You can always ‘decline to state’, right? It doesn’t mean you have anything to hide.

So I’m feeling a bit… raw at the moment. All these little questions scraping away at my privacy in tiny little scratches, but I have to put up with them because I need a job and I want a new place to live and I have to stay balanced on that razors edge whether I like it or not.

I guess it’s no wonder why I’m tired.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on June 18, 2016.

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