I was reading about ancient roads called "holloways". Life feels like a holloway right now: well worn and protected, but also difficult to see what's coming.

I was reading about ancient roads called “holloways” thanks to a link to an article on Facebook. Holloways are ancient roadways that have been worn deep into the ground from many years of passing feet and erosion. I feel like it would be fun to walk down a holloway: quiet and protected and knowing that many people have come this way before me.  It would be an exercise in staying focused on the present moment and seeing just what is right in front of you. On the other hand it would be hard to see much besides the road ahead- even what is around the next corner.

Life has been a bit of a holloway lately: a concerted effort to stay focused on the present and knowing nothing of what is coming around the next corner. I’ve probably said it before, but this not-knowing is hard work! Dragging myself out the door this morning to go for a run was one of the hardest things that I did all day. I’d told myself before going to bed last night that I would get up and go for a run. It had been several days and for a while I could make the excuse that I was just busy, but it was getting to the point where I was just getting lazy instead. So I’d made the commitment- at least to myself. But I woke up tired and asked myself if it was what I really wanted and the answer was no: I really wanted to go back to bed. But I’d committed. But I didn’t wanna. But I said I would. But I’m tiiiiiired.

I went for the run. It wasn’t painful, but it was unmotivated and unsatisfying. When I made it home I was still dragging, but was now sweaty. I took a shower and then I went back to bed. I didn’t really sleep, I just laid there like a blob until my timer went off and then I got up to carry on with the day.

Motivated or not, I made myself a list and stuck to it. Laundry. Bills. Letters. Call about temp work. Call about book option. Look at new housing listings. Email. I muddled through and kept myself busy to try to keep from stewing about the unknowns of life. I finished a library book, “Ink and Bone” by Lisa Unger which was described as a race-against-the-clock thriller, but which read like a shuffled deck of cards. That sounds like harsh criticism, which isn’t really fair- the characters were nice and the premise was interesting but each chapter switched to a different storyline and there wasn’t quite enough connective tissue to hold them all together for my taste. But what do I know, I’ve never written a race-against-the-clock thriller.

It’s not yet that late in the evening, but I’m worn out so I plan to call it a day. Tomorrow will be Friday and I’ll pick up where I left off on my list. In the meantime, I wait.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on July 14, 2016.

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