Don't make me open up a can of Misdirected Frustration

Don’t make me open up a can of Misdirected Frustration

I may have some unresolved aggression. While pulling boxes out of the closet to try to consolidate my collection of fabric, I hit my head on the cardboard flap of a box still on the shelf. It wasn’t a hard hit and it didn’t hurt exactly, but I found myself violently punching the offending flap back into submission. I have to assume that this is redirected frustration from other areas of my life.  I decided it was time that I got out of the house.

Aside from bringing boxes to storage, I’d accumulated enough tasks to merit driving to campus so I packed up the van and got out the door. The heat continues to be sweltering. I spend most days damp with a sheen of sweat, unless I give up and turn on the air conditioning. I have been doing this more and more lately, just in an effort to feel dry. Earlier in the summer I made an effort to do my part for Energy Savings days, but it saved us all of twenty five cents so all that sweat is not really paying off.

While on campus I met with a classmate about a writing project that he was working on. I lamented my own struggle to make progress on the tail-ends of all my remaining projects and he observed that the last ten percent of a project always takes ninety percent of the effort; not his words, I don’t think, but truer words have hardly been spoken. I always find Finishing Things to be a struggle. I’m either scrambling to meet a deadline or procrastinating without one. Lately, in my structure-less schedule, I’ve mostly been procrastinating. I still seem to cross a lot off of my list, but true progress feels elusive.

Getting out of the house seems to have helped with the aggression but it is becoming harder and harder work to stay motivated. We have a whole packet of listings of houses to look over but it’s hard to build up any enthusiasm. On the other hand, it is satisfying in a schadenfreude-y way to see that properties that we were rejected for are still on the market. I’ve begun applying for training programs as well as jobs, since all the jobs that I’m looking at are requiring training, nevermind the master’s degree. I volunteered to work a promotional event on campus for Avid on Saturday as a way to feel like I’m contributing something- even if it is only a meager day-rate. Maybe I’ll meet someone who is hiring.

So I shamble forward another day. Tomorrow is Friday, at least. There’s that to look forward to.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on July 21, 2016.

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