Inattention


All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost.

Not all those whose minds wander are lost.

My brain struggled to get started for the day. No matter how hard I tried to focus, my attention always seemed to be a million miles away thinking about something that I couldn’t identify with a level of concentration that left very little attention for anything else besides going through the motions of a day’s work. I tried to do some more packing but failed to make much in the way of visible progress. I made myself a list which I promptly ignored for the rest of the day. I moved forward but didn’t seem to get anywhere.

I blame the move. I almost have to: so much of my life is changing shape right now that part of my attention is always monitoring the changes: trying to remember where I am packing everything, trying to keep track of what can go and what should stay local, trying to arrange the schedule for the move around potential work opportunities… No wonder my focus is so scattered.

At least there is work- three days on a friends’ set doing crafty (i.e.- snacks) and catering for a feature film. I’m happy to have it: life is likely to be a series of three-day jobs for a while and the more of them I can piece together the better. I’m reverting back to my independent contractor habits of measuring each month’s income on a series of benchmarks: “survival quota” (how much money I need to make minimum to pay the bills) and “happy quota” (how much money I need to feel comfortable).

This job will be good to get me out of the house and to get to meet some new people. I met with the producer today who is a friend to talk about how the project has been going so far (much of principle photography was on location in New York) and to get the details about the upcoming weekend. It was good to catch up. For the month of July she was kind enough to agree to hold me to my proposed writing deadline for myself (outline a script and write forty pages by the end of the month). I was pleased to be able to deliver: having the deadline really did help keep me on task. I set a similar goal for August (forty more pages by the end of the month), although it is going to have the added obstacle of moving house in the middle- not to mention that we are already a week into the month and I just proposed the new goal. It might be a race to the finish on this one. We shall see.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on August 8, 2016.

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