Blind Leap

I call this one "Atonal Improvisation on Found Object" In the key of sleepnomore

I call this one “Atonal Improvisation on Found Object” In the key of sleepnomore

Our cat is not the picture of grace. He loves to sit in the bedroom window, particularly at night, a task that a normal cat might be able to perform with stealth and dignity, but our cat prefers to execute with percussion and bombast. He approach to such things as curtains and vertical blinds is a direct one: hit it as hard as you can until it gets out of your way. Not unlike some politicians I know. This makes for some rather Stravinsky-esque arrangements to our late-night sleeping soundscape, generally followed by gasps and standing ovations from the human audience met by utter nonchalance on the part of the performer: “Oh, did I make a noise? I didn’t notice.”

Last night’s performance also included a solo performed on Cardboard Box rousing enough to convince the humans that burglary was involved. The misunderstood artist fled the performance space and the humans tried and failed to return to sleep with racing hearts and cold sweats. And a pervasive smell of pepperoni that may or may not have indicated a minor stroke.

I didn’t sleep much after that. At least, not until after I’d gotten up and seen the Curmudgeonly Lion out the door. After settling down to finish a chapter of my library book I was ambushed by a sleep so deep and heavy that when I did finally wrench my way into consciousness I spent the rest of the morning in a fog of distraction.

I spent the morning getting utilities turned on for the new house. The bundling of water+sewer+power+trash collection is a new one to me and it took me a long while to figure out that this needed to be done through the City of Los Angeles, not the specific neighborhood to which we will be moving. It took longer than it needed to, but I got it done and it was a weight off my mind since it was a task that I’d been dreading.

A meeting forced me out of the house around mid-day for a little change of scenery. I touched base on one of the film projects that I’m still working on: this time last summer we were just going into production on it. It was pleasant to discover that we are still more-or-less on-track with our proposed schedule, which is a relief because admittedly all this moving business has completely blasted everything else out of my head.

Later, after my run, I found myself wondering why I seem to have so much trouble finding the drive to finish these last few graduate school films. In some ways I’m anxious to get them done in order to clear my slate for real-world projects, but no matter how many times I say this out loud I don’t seem to be able to induce myself to focus on them with the kind of determination that I had during an actual semester. As I was standing in the back parking lot cooling down I realized that these last two films are my last two tangible connections that I have to graduate school. They have been convenient crutches for the summer: what am I doing? Why I’m finishing up a few things. No need to worry about What Comes Next, I’m not yet clear of What Came Before. Once these films are finished, I won’t have that anymore. I won’t have obligations left holding me back from getting on with my life- and no more excuses for why I’m not doing so. I’m reluctant to let go without knowing what the next thing will be, but it is probably necessary to take that leap of faith. It might be time to start kicking chocks out from under my wheels.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on August 10, 2016.

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