Do Being

I’m a doer. I’m not quite high energy enough to call myself a Type A personality, but I’m definitely a doer. I find meaning in action and accomplishment. I find myself in action and accomplishment. I often overcommit and cheerfully make myself to do lists so long that I’ll never finish them. I like working. If it’s something meaningful to me then I would even dare to say that I love it.

So this state of underemployment is warping my brain. 

For a while there I actually started to believe that something was wrong with me- why else would work prove so scarce? I was starting to believe that I’d never find work. Which is ridiculous, of course. 

I reminded myself that there were people who were Be-ers. Who are happy just being. Who like long stretches of idle time to just enjoy existence. At times like these, I envy those people. How do they find such satisfaction without having results? What do they do all day? I didn’t know. I wondered if I could ever know- if I could cultivate some of this Being mentality. 

I started by going running again. It felt good right up until I took off my running shoes to discover that I was cultivating a series of blisters underneath my callouses. I may have to give myself a break tomorrow. 

Running seems to have stirred up some new energy, but with it comes some old, unresolved worries. My mind now has the energy to think over all the unfinished things still hanging over my head. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to put some of these things to rest soon.

And in the meantime I’m making an effort to just be in the moment. 


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on September 11, 2016.

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