Ennui Again


Le Sigh

Le Sigh

All that I really want to do is go to bed, but since I didn’t write anything earlier today I need to write something now. I somehow thought that if I waited until the end of the day I might have a more cogent thought to put into words, but it turns out that I’m still as scattered of brain now as I was then. My motivation has dropped noticeably in the past few days: it feels like a lot of work to sit up straight and to keep my eyes open. Once again I find myself wishing that nap-pods were a socially acceptable and readily available thing in office buildings. I sometimes feel like if I could just get horizontal for ten minutes then I’d be good for the rest of the day. It’s not like I use those fifteen minutes for anything more important than surfing Facebook.

My present state of ennui is probably the most newsworthy observation that I have for today. I got up. I went to work. I came home. Just like yesterday and the day before that. At work I continued to work on the same project as the day before. I’ve learned how to do more parts to the process, which feels like progress even though the work itself has not changed in a quantifiable way. And I don’t really mind the mind-numbingness of the work except that I can’t seem to snap out of it afterwards. My mind feels very full and very empty all at the same time: too full to focus, too empty to have anything to focus on. Small, basic tasks feel like a lot of work: doing the dishes= too much work. Watering the plants = too much work. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe I’m still adjusting to working full time (but c’mon, it’s been almost four weeks now). Whatever the cause, the result is the same: too much to do and a mind too foggy to do any of it.

It’s early(ish) yet, so I’m going to call it a night and see if a little bit of extra sleep helps get me back on track.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on October 20, 2016.

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