Doctor Roulette


Well, at least he’s open on weekends.


Wow! Do I love dealing with insurance companies or what?! Why I spent my whole lunch hour surfing their website, calling their toll free numbers, navigating automated menus, waiting on hold… I’m so lucky! I got the whole experience! 

We were playing a fun game called: “Prove This Is Covered”. I mean, I already knew it was covered (it was a procedure relating to women’s health, so at least for right now it is covered) but I wanted to make sure. You know: trust but confirm. And I wanted to find out if there was a copay or any surprise hoops to jump through or any other fun health industry obstacles that I would need to navigate. 

The website was not going to let me down, no sir! I mean, going there and finding exactly the information that I wanted wouldn’t be any fun. So they cleverly hid any mention of women’s health. Look at the specialist list- three tiers of ear, nose, and throat doctors but no OB-GYN. Or the list of procedures: what is this pap smear you speak of? Contraception? Oh yes, we have that- here it’s called a vasectomy. 

I could, however, find plenty of information about pregnancy and fertility. 

All I needed was a doctor for a women’s health procedure. One that was open on weekends because I fucking work for a living. I found two promising names by searching the website, but when I asked to see the estimated pricing the website required me to log in. When I logged in I had to redo the whole search. When I redid the search, the two names I’d found before no longer appeared on the list, and this time I wasn’t able to see who had weekend hours. Because why make an informed decision when you can stab wildly in the dark? It’s only your health on the line. It’s Doctor Roulette! 

Oh, well why not go to Planned Parenthood? Well, I would, but they don’t accept my insurance and I’d have to pay out of pocket. I know. I asked.

And this, friends and neighbors, is what the system is like now. When women’s health is covered. And insurance is required. And I have a policy with a brand name carrier. And I’m just trying to get a minor, routine contraceptive procedure done. 

Yikes, y’all. Yikes.

Maybe I should just go for the vasectomy. 

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on November 14, 2016.

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