Little Things



Someone left their lighter on the low wall in the courtyard outside my building. I saw it as I left the building for a break and it was still there when I got back so I picked it up and put it in a pocket. It was a cheap convenience store lighter, still half full of fuel. It seemed like a terrible thing to waste. I seem to have a compulsion about always having matches with me even though I hardly ever have any reason to use them: it just always seems like a good idea to have some way to make fire.

At any rate, today has been one of those days where my focus is as diffuse as sunlight in a steam room. I tried to read, tried to write, tried to take notes. Nothing seemed to capture my attention for long. At one point, I picked up the lighter and found myself staring into the flame, at which point I discovered that lighters actually make noise: and not just the flick of the sparking wheel, but actually make a slight hiss as the fuel is expelled; not unlike the hiss of a gas stove. This shouldn’t have surprised me, yet it did: I’d never really bothered to listen before. It’s a sound quiet enough that you’d never notice it if you weren’t listening for it.

Now that I’ve heard it, I find myself straining my ears for other small details, but mostly all I can hear is the high pitched ringing that I can only hope is coming from my computer instead of from my ears and it seems to cut through all my other thoughts. This brainlessness has been going on for a few days now and I can’t quite figure out why it is happening or what- if anything- I should be doing to overcome it. It’s very frustrating. I can only hope that it will run its course naturally: I’ll be helping my sister Bean move house over the weekend which should take the pressure off from feeling the need to form constructive thought for a while and maybe that will be enough to reset the system. In the meantime there’s always Candy Crush.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on January 13, 2017.

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