So if I’ve learned one thing from this workshop about directing actors, it is that the reason why emotions are so difficult to uncap ( and I have a whole new appreciation for the work that actors do after two days of trying to do it myself) is because they are so difficult to contain again. Several of the exercises called for unleashing anger, an emotion which I keep on an especially short leash. On day one, this release felt exhilarating in the moment, but I realized later that the skin around my eyes were spotted with tiny red bursts from the force of it, and I had a sense of inarticulate dis-ease for the rest of the evening after I walked off the stage. On today’s exercise, similarly, the release had an initial rush of excitement to it- within seconds I was punching a wall with the force of it, but similarly I struggled to put it away again afterwards. 

A later exercise consisted of a creative visualization which involved being talked through a mental journey to a sunny beach listening to surf and feeling the sun on one’s face and sending healing energy into one’s body, etc. Very relaxing and soothing and healing. For most people I assume. For me it involved an unexpected breakdown into tears. At the time I didn’t know what the feelings meant and I still don’t: I presume that the fact that they were strong enough to overtake me like that was proof enough of their significance without having to intellectualize the reason why they happened. Clearly there is something at play beneath the surface that I need to deal with. I can only assume that what that thing is will become apparent to me with time. 

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on January 29, 2017.

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