True Believer


Like some of mis-timed alarm clock, my body decided that three in the morning was a good time for a coughing fit. I lurched awake out of a deep dream state to a tickle in my throat that water and cough drops failed to assuage. In effort to let the Curmudgeonly Lion get some sleep, I retired to the futon in the living room where I succeeded in stopping the cough but failed to fall back into sleep. 
So far, it doesn’t seem to be slowing me down. Whatever mysterious, healing force woke me out of hibernation yesterday still seems to have a hold on me. The real problem will be pacing myself: I don’t want to walk, I want to run! I can smell everything. I’m hungry for everything. I know it won’t last, but knowing it doesn’t make it any easier to slow down. 

Anyway, I’ll be getting back to work today, if nothing else. 

For the past month or so, my life has not felt like my own. As inspiration sank its claws in me for two weeks, I felt like I was at the mercy of a script that wanted to exist so badly that it had to possess a human body in order to manifest itself. I just happened to be the nearest human. It’s an extremely rare feeling- like receiving a divine Annunciation. Very quickly you become a true believer. So I feel only a little bit strange when I find myself thinking about what The Project wants. What The Project likes and doesn’t like. (Ok, mostly dislikes- it hates being told to stay small). Somehow I find myself feeling certain that whatever The Project needs will somehow cross my path, and that the right does will open in the right order to turn this into a reality if I just keep my wits about me. This feeling of certainty is very freeing: I can shrug off my own perceived shortcomings for a while: they don’t matter- I’m just here to be of service. 

This too is a feeling that probably won’t last. I know there will come a point when work will feel like a slog and the project will be over and there will be no more reason for The Project to inhabit me, but until then I might as well make the most of it.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on March 22, 2017.

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