Scio Te Ipsum

I’m not the person that I thought I was going to be. As a kid and as a teenager I would look into the murk of my future with a sense of certainty about the kind of person that I was destined to become: noble and refined, of course, respected, rich, successful- an artist and filmmaker. I would drink sophisticated wines and love classical music. I would have, if not a fairy tale romance, then at least a romance worthy of great literature. I’d have one or two impeccably well mannered children and a respected career, and at some point I’d go back to my high school reunion to show everybody how wrong they were for not recognizing my inherent greatness, the bastards. 

So far, I’ve pretty much gotten it wrong. I like beer, not wine. I listen to rock and heavy metal. I discovered with surprising clarity that parenthood did not call to me. My romance is a bit less like a work of great literature and a bit more like the third or fourth season of a network comedy- all the obvious plot points have been hit and the writers’ room is starting to get… creative: although we haven’t had a body-swap or a musical number yet. Similarly, my career has not been a single shining beacon of meteoric success, but rather a somewhat meandering journey full of unexpected detours and distractions, mostly in the direction of gainful employment. 

But nevermind: it is pleasant to be surprised. The discovery of new folds within the fabric of my life is probably one of the best parts about it. One of the few things that I managed to get right in my self-expectations was my philosophy that it should be more important to live an interesting life than a pantomime of success and sophistication just because that was The Plan. 

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on July 7, 2017.

One Response to “Scio Te Ipsum”

  1. I remember having my school years, kids, house and career planned out around the age of 14 because it was a class project. But, that quickly fell apart like a house of cards because what I knew about life and the world was like a set of “join the army” posters. And, one thing that was not covered well in school was how to get along with classmates and strengthen friendships. It was just presumed working together would foster such bonds. That did not happen. And, on my own, it’s been a bit like trying to stay afloat at sea, not sure where to turn for help and how far it is to a safe harbor. Every day, week and/or month is a bit of a surprise, but none so good that they reassure me. Happiness is fleeting and intoxicating. I cannot get swept away by moments of fun that don’t last.

    You are red-haired Dorothy with her Lion who can’t be too cowardly. And, somewhere, I am guessing are George the Scarecrow and Jerry the Tinman. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 😀

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