Tense/Release


Peaceful thoughts…. Peeeeeeaceful thoughts…

Due to the plumbing issues, the house is in disarray. It’s not an uproar, exactly, I mean, things aren’t on the verge of physical collapse, chaos, or mayhem, but enough things are out of place that it is taking a toll on my mental space. So from the moment that the alarm went off this morning, the day has been underscored with a low level undertone of tension. The breakfast dishes didn’t get cleaned. Lunch making took place on the last cubbyhole of counter space squeezed between themicrowave, the dish drainer, and the massive, looming bulk of the refrigerator which is presently staged in the geographic center of the kitchen. To get from the east side of the kitchen to the west side involves going out of the room, circling around by the hallway, and entering in the other door. Inconvenient, but not unmanageable: just annoying enough to test my patience, but not annoying enough to actually have an outburst over. 

So there’s that. 

At work, they’ve moved one of the accounting guys into payroll, which means that I now share an office with two co-workers instead of one. The two co-workers most predisposed to lip smacking and straw slurping and drink gulping. My malphonia hasn’t bothered me for months but BOY DID IT COME BACK TODAY when the guy from accounting (Let’s call him Dave From Accounting) decided that he had to spend fifteen minutes draining the icy dregs of a blended coffee during the late afternoon. I had to walk out of the room four times. The fifth time, I had to walk out of the office and seek refuge in the bathroom to try to do some deep breathing and recentering. 

Stop running. I told myself. When it happens again, be polite and direct and tell him it bothers you. 

As much as I hate confrontation, and I can go a long time before something bothers me enough for a confrontation, I also believe in being direct and not resorting to passive aggression. I wish I could say that I was able to be so constructively direct today, but I was saved from the conflict by the cup at last being empty. Never has the sound of a plastic cup hitting a trash can sounded so sweet. Angels sang Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus to resounding relief. 

Somehow, the release of this particular tension has gone deeper than mere annoyance. I feel loose in my joints. I feel the kind of groggy serenity that comes after a deep nap after a thunderstorm. It feels a bit unearned, considering that I did nothing to accomplish it, but I’ll take what I can get. If I must struggle with an unusual mental state, I’ll take radical serenity any day of the week. I wonder how long it will last. 

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on August 2, 2017.

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